The Global Elite

How to Spend It: A Passion for Fashion, March 16, 2013

Posted in Fashion, How to Spend It by Patrick on March 24, 2013

Spring is a time for change. How to Spend It has decided that you must change your bag. Not only does this issue have a rather insane amount of ads for bags, there’s also articles about bags.

Not the worst cover by HTSI. Yeah, that's all I have.

Not the worst cover by HTSI. Yeah, that’s all I have.

Right, so rolex has taken some of the greatest sporting talent in the world and make them appear like they are all in a cult.

Right, so rolex has taken some of the greatest sporting talent in the world and make them appear like they are all in a cult.

Giant neck bow.

Giant neck bow.

It's the luxury version of spot the difference

It’s the luxury version of spot the difference

Damn cheap quality zippers. Thank god I have a giant bag to cover up the fact that I appear to be wearing a legless onesie

Damn cheap quality zippers. Thank god I have a giant bag to cover up the fact that I appear to be wearing a legless onesie

New looks probably shouldn't remind you of those fashion trendsetters from the 17 century, the Amish

New looks probably shouldn’t remind you of those fashion trendsetters from the 17 century, the Amish

 They would have been perfect together. If only one had turned the corner

They would have been perfect together. If only one had turned the corner

Excuse me, it's appears you are walking on my leg with your heels. Kindly get off.

“Excuse me, it’s appears you are walking on my leg with your heels. Feck off”

A tapeworm eating a dragon. That's wicked awesome.

A tapeworm eating a dragon. That’s wicked awesome.

Hmm, making jewelry more dangerous. Blood loss has never been more fashionable.

Hmm, making jewelry more dangerous. Blood loss has never been more fashionable.

Smug

Smugness

A messy room is a fashionable room

A messy room is a fashionable room

Madam, that's not a bench, that's artwork.

“Madam, that’s not a bench, that’s the artwork.”

I thought you would be taller.

“I thought you would be taller. NEXT!”

Didn't know that Alexander McQueen does lamps now.
Didn’t know that Alexander McQueen does lamps now.

Because tinfoil isn't fashionable enough

Because tinfoil isn’t fashionable enough

So many bags

So many bags

and who the bloody hell are you?

and who the bloody hell are you?

We do everything but provide a copy of the Financial Times. That, you have to get yourself.

We do everything but provide a copy of the Financial Times. That, you have to get yourself. Yes, there was an incident.

Joyful fashion

Joyful fashion

Green butterfly not included. I've already asked. False advertising

Green butterfly not included. I’ve already asked. False advertising

Somebody didn't get clear enough instructions on basket making  at camp.

Somebody didn’t get clear enough instructions on basket making at camp.

Apparently hordes of bees have been attacking crowds of people recently. Made the news here and there. No source has reported if these people have been wearing this dress.

Hordes of bees have been attacking crowds of people recently. Made the news. ‘Nobody has reported if these people have been wearing this dress.

The future Ms. Candyman

The future Ms. Candyman

I like to think the left ad and the right photo spread are related

I like to think the two women from the right photo are slowly walking to the women on the left ad

Drool

Drool

Every single photo in this spread is amazing. I always thought Leon Trotsky was one sexy man

Leon Trotsky was one sexy man

"Ladies, I'm flame retardant"

“Ladies, I’m flame retardant”

"Ladies, these's ankles are seaworthy"

“Ladies, these’s ankles are seaworthy”

Belt-loops are not sexy

Beltloops are not sexy

Rainproof

Rainproof

Beachworthy

Beachworthy

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Mexico, yes, that seems like a safe place. Need to make sure I bring my icepick

Mexico, yes, that seems like a safe place. Need to make sure I bring my icepick

Retinas are burning

Retinas are burning

Rich people lonely...so sad

Rich people lonely…so sad

This horsemeat scandal is getting out of hand

Mercedes-Benz is trying to capitalize on the horsemeat scandal

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Greetings

Posted in How to Spend It by Patrick on January 13, 2013

I’ve been an actual global elite for much too long. I must remain an actual global elite but also be a writing global elite.

A few cases of the 2003 Domaine de la Mordoree Chateauneuf du Pape Cuvee de la Reine des Bois has been stocked in my organic cellar so do expect an increase of profound insights arriving by this means of communication. In addition, I’ve already finished the Monocle Alpino and the next standard issue of the Monocle won’t be arriving for weeks so I must remove my excitement from being a global elite in some fashion.

Lastly, global elite zen has been reached in this video

For those who enjoy my company in a more personal way.

How to Spend It: boats that rock, June 16, 2002

Posted in How to Spend It by Patrick on July 1, 2012

The Monocle summer double issue has arrived in our mailboxes (Congratulations Zurich) and this means that all of us like-minded people must jet off to an exotic location for the 1st of our many holidays this summer. Remember, in these times of austerity and the workforce not being up to it like they use to be, it’s best to not take the entire summer off. One should stop in their offices every few weeks to make sure that your employees are still hard at work, especially those younger ones. Also, one must check the inbox for those fall conferences invites. 

Another annual marking of summer is the How to Spend It special boating edition, simply entitled: boats that rock. As I didn’t follow up with the boat that was being sold in the May issue of HTSI, I was positively excited to see what I could find for this summer jaunt around the Horn of Africa. I’m using this summer for professional development. I simply most know how these pirates have continue to do such a tremendous job at mainstreaming their operations under extreme conditions brought on by international forces. 

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Now those are boat shoes. Boats shoes that will probably kill you when you hit a wet part, which almost never happens on a boat.

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3 full page spreads before the table of contents. A record, I believe.

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Still no full page ad

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Early candidate for ugliest watch

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Hear me out here, yachting polo

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Now that I know that Ben Ainslie wears it, I have to have a pair

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Fellow global elite Nat Rothschild had his birthday party at Porto Montenegro. Now it’s a top place in HTSI. It’s no coincidence. HTSI is just an extension of of Nat’s greatness

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New candidate

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Wait, people get boats without bespoken interiors? Savages

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Is this why we have TED conferences?

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Everything about this article is grand. Just grand

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These shoes won’t get waterlogged

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Here’ your chance to cause ecological destruction on multiple pristine islands.

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For your social calendar

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Finally, a proper boat

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A cautionary tale that speaks to everyone

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Joy. Pure unadulterated joy

 

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We have a winner

Posted in Louis Vuitton by Patrick on June 22, 2012

No word yet if there’s a full page ad

Posted in How to Spend It by Patrick on June 4, 2012

If that’s a haute couture swimwear, I think I keep my Chinese made swimwear, thank you very much

Posted in How to Spend It by Patrick on June 4, 2012

Buddhist Mary Poppins

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Posted in How to Spend It by Patrick on June 4, 2012

I not only read this article, I also sent it to two friends. I, for one, blame the alcohol

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Posted in How to Spend It by Patrick on June 4, 2012

Nobody smiles in India. Except the elephant

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Posted in How to Spend It by Patrick on June 4, 2012

Lesson learned here: When in Africa, white people can only smile when around African children

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Posted in How to Spend It by Patrick on June 4, 2012

This is honestly the 1st HTSI fashion spread that has really spoken to me. For years, over countless continents, numerous stores, I have tried to find what’s being shown in this photo. Nobody realizes how hard it is to find a cargo shirt without epaulets

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